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Azurry's Quill

July, 31st, 2025

A feeling of sadness, but also grateful

I didn't get any artfights done yet, and I'm kinda all over the place right now. I mean, I got a little sad about the cyberstalking stuff, but I realize this person thrives on negativity. I've talked to some friends about it since I started to feel a bit down about this whole thing. It was a trap setup from the beginning I know that much. I just thought I'll write here since I wrote too many comments in my neocities profile, I 'm sorry about that y'all. It won't happen in the future. I guess I got carried away.

I thought I should finish up this journal entry. I found a pretty good private html editor so writing journals will be a lot easier here since I can make corrections there without editing this place as much. I just need more privacy and safety. I have social anxiety, so just having a safe space for my writing has calmed my anxiety down a lot. I wasn't feeling very safe on most of my active social media platforms due to not just one person, but two people harassing me either because I was mutuals with one of their ex-friends or that I didn't want to be friends with them anymore. To clear things up I wasn't friends with the other person's friends though, just one of my cyberstalkers that I was friends with, I just blocked them on Bluesky and they started stalking me after that. The other guy though, I was friends with them ten years ago.

They asked me a question about what I was gonna say ten years ago, when the thing is, I don't remember. I was diagnosed with PTSD back in 2016, and that has caused me to lose more than half of my memories, so I don't remember much from that time. It was ten years ago, and it's wild that they expected me to remember something like that. All I remember is that they were a creep, and that's why I left, end of story. I don't feel the need to talk about cyberstalking as much, but I'll just say I did get into contact with this person's ex-friends/former friends, and they're very disappointed in this person.

I wish I didn't need to get into contact with these people, but sometimes one can't do stuff alone, especially how it was a big and complex issue. I realized how important it is to have good friends, especially when it can feel very isolating online. I felt like I couldn't really vent about it since I was silenced not once, but twice by this person. I found a way around it and I'm able to talk about it and be safe. I'm taking my power back.

Both of these people I had issues with are blacklisted permanently for stressing other people out, as well as myself. They were being verbally abusive. The one thing that irritated me was despite their English not being very good, they sure knew how to use some words for someone who supposedly; doesn't know English well enough... I was called words like 'goat', and saying I was 'playing' the victim, when I was one, and ironically they were acting like they were the 'victim' when they were not. They kept making sock puppet accounts for the purpose of drama farming, they never wanted to fix anything, and therefore are a lost cause. The way they were using insults was an interesting choice of words.

I was a victim of sexism and racism in this whole situation and when I contacted the former friend of theirs they said that I was right, unfortunately. This awful person was trying to use me as a scape goat... They sure have an interesting choice of words. It was nothing short of evil. Just know if they try to come back, I do have more evidence, that is not just Bluesky, Instagram and DeviantArt, but Discord (before they deleted their accounts I see). I have the reciepts. My reports are now private and secure, but if y'all have a good reason to access these documents, please note me privately.

It was an overall bad idea to report this in public though, because both of these cybertalkers seem to love the attention, which is pretty sad. I know my friends and mutuals meant well when they saw this happening, but these people I had an issue with don't even have a platform, so it's a waste of time trying to bother with this. These people would rather harass people than to make something of theirselves. What a waste of human life, I'll never understand it. Couldn't be me. If I could go back, I would have just made this report private in the beginning, instead of posting about it on DeviantArt and Instagram.

This person was a nazi, an attention whore, and a Karen. These people are really dumb. I can see how much of a waste of time it was to bother with this when both of the people mentioned had learned nothing from this situation. As a black native, I'm more likely to be attacked online. So seeing two privileged white queer people attacking people of color when they know better, made me very sad at the time, but now I just feel nothing.

I have mixed feelings about having my identity in public. Even more so after dealing with this. It's hard to find other blacks. I'll be using my website more often to vent when I can feel safe, and I'll never let things like this get to me in this way. I think it's normal to be upset, but it's not good for me to let it affect my life so much.

I'm now in a community where people like this are banned, so I don't have to worry about it as much. It feels nice. I'm just rebuilding how I feel about social media as a whole and just going where I can talk to people privately. For now, I don't think I need to talk about this anymore. I appreciate those that listened to me all this time, but, there's no point in talking about it at this point. I just hope these people move on, that's all I can say. This is Azurry, signing off. <3